Category Archives: The New Mutants

Episode 19: The New Mutants

There’s an old Native American proverb that says: inside every person, there are two bears forever locked in combat for your soul. That doesn’t sound very likely, though, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

This week on the podcast, Becca Petunia from the Muppet fansite Tough Pigs joins me to talk about The New Mutants, the 2020 haunted hospital pic about five teenage supermutants who find themselves on the wrong end of a horror movie.

Now, making a horror movie about these X-babies is an extremely peculiar thing to do, because the protagonists can teleport, burst into flames, summon a magic sword and turn into a werewolf, which means they’re automatically the scariest thing in the room. But the film tries to make it happen, with spectacularly weird results. Come join me and Becca as we attempt to comprehend this mutant misfire.

The podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, YouTube, Overcast, Audible and lots of other places. Come check it out!

A note for listeners: I’m now releasing new episodes every two weeks, instead of every week. That’s your chance to get caught up!

Continue reading Episode 19: The New Mutants

The New Mutants 86.1: Control Control Control Control Control and Control

So now I’ve got a new hobby/mission in life, which is to get really drunk and trash-talk all the terrible non-MCU Marvel movies on the film podcast The Signal Watch. In the latest episode, host Ryan Steans and I venture into the spooky haunted hospital of The New Mutants, the 2020 X-Men movie that you keep wondering if you should get around to watching at some point.

This is the story of five X-Teens trapped in a sinister prison orphanage mental hospital, unable to escape despite the fact that they are magnificent supermutants who could easily use their powers to wreck the place and run away. It’s the film that dares to tell the truth about how many bears there are inside you, and gives you step-by-step instructions on how to not do whatever the hell the spooky doctor who runs the institution is trying to achieve.

This movie has everything, including scolding therapy, hand puppets, lesbian romance, tambourines, a breathtakingly gorgeous naked dude, solitary confinement that looks exactly like their regular confinement, an inefficient email system, a guy who won’t shut up about working in the mines with his dad, and a cast of six annoying characters who fail at literally everything that they try to do.

Continue reading The New Mutants 86.1: Control Control Control Control Control and Control