#1. Focus groups.
Obviously, “Kneel Before Zod” is going to be the main theme of our re-education program, as we transition to a fully Zod-based society. It’s a simple message of global submission that everyone can understand. However, it’s not testing as well with all demographics, especially the elderly and the injured, who are having trouble getting into the correct kneeling position. It’s important to pay attention to the injured demographic, because there are a lot more of them now than there used to be.
#2. Storage facilities.
Everyone has been notified that their lands, their possessions and their very lives will gladly be given in tribute to General Zod, and overall compliance is very strong. However, things have gotten backed up at many of the possession redistribution centers. One of the problems is that the trucks which are carrying the possessions are also technically possessions themselves, so when those are gladly given in tribute to General Zod, it makes it difficult to move the rest of the surrendered possessions around.
We also haven’t established yet where the possessions that are gladly being given should actually gladly go. There was an early rush to pile them up on the lawn of the White House, but that site is now quite full, and since this is 1981, it’s mostly Rubik’s Cubes. Staff have issued fliers explaining that the General now has all of the Rubik’s Cubes that he needs, and the surplus is being diverted to other storage facilities around the Washington, D.C. area. A special commission has been set up to investigate further short-term storage options.
#3. Your puerile, mewling excuses.
General Zod’s daily briefings on the progress of global submission to his will are delivered each morning by an expendable member of the staff. Zod is mainly interested in maps and pie charts that represent his authority and control over the Earth people, on land and under the sea. (A misunderstanding in one of the early briefings left the General with the idea that there is a population of Earth people who live underwater, and now he asks every day for an update on the progress of his domination over the sea people.)
The tricky part of the briefing is when he asks whether we have discovered where the Son of Jor-El is hiding. We have not yet determined a satisfying answer to this question.
#4. The weak.
It’s assumed that at some point we should start killing the weak, who aren’t worthy to participate in the glorious new world of our Kryptonian overlords. However, many of the weak are doing useful weak-accessible jobs, which the strong don’t want to do. There’s been a lot of discussion about this. It would be good to get some clarity on the issue, because the weak are naturally quite anxious about it.
#5. Engagement metrics.
The communications team has been providing audio and video content to the media when General Zod has a new message for the people, but this is released on an erratic schedule based on the General’s current focus. On Tuesday, Zod’s speech about the world uniting under the common goal of marching proudly together in the New Order received blanket coverage across the world on all channels, with very high viewership numbers, even after several subsequent repeats.
However, on Wednesday, a request from the communications team for fresh content was not well-received. The General would like it to be known that, in his words, “I am not one of your Earth influencers.” The team is currently brainstorming alternatives.
#6. Arts funding.
One of the primary avenues for the expression of local submission to General Zod’s rule is the building of statues to memorialize our Kryptonian overlords and their generous rule over all things. To encourage local arts communities to participate, a scheme was proposed to provide grants for design competitions. The proposal was incinerated, and we will not be moving forward with this project.
#7. This puny planet.
The entertainment industry has been organizing spectacles and television shows that they hope will amuse our great captors, because we’ve found that when they get bored, they tend to fly around and set things on fire. So far, the one surefire hit has been The Army Apology Hour, in which individual members of the armed forces say that they’re sorry for attempting to resist Kryptonian rule in the early hours of their benevolent reign.
Other programs have not met with success. We had high hopes for a late night celebrity talk show called We Abase Ourselves Before You, Mighty Zod and a live gladiator arena show called Is There No One on the Planet to Even Challenge Me, but they did not meet with executive approval.
The real difficulty in this area — and indeed on most issues that have come up during this glorious era — is that our faultless leaders tend to communicate with Earth creatures mostly through arched eyebrows and heat vision, so we’re not entirely sure what they want. Honestly, we’re starting to wonder why they even subjugated us in the first place.
Heading out once more to Syd Field,
to criticize the film’s structure…
2.39: Lost in Place
— Danny Horn