Episode 14: Venom

Pile of bodies, pile of heads! This week’s podcast episode takes us deep into the life of a gruesome serial killer with a passion for riding motorcycles, climbing up to high places and murdering dozens of police officers who are only trying to help. Can a peaceful out-of-work gotcha journalist find happiness sharing a body with a murder demon? More importantly, can this ridiculous story kick-start a whole new cinematic universe?

I’m joined once again by Anthony Strand of Tough Pigs and the Muppet movie podcast Movin’ Right Along, who displays his amazing stupid-voice impersonation skills as we squelch our way through an extremely silly movie.

The podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, YouTube, Overcast, Audible and lots of other places. Come check it out!

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5xGgBTvMV85BRh6JxdE7SL

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Episode 13: X-Men

Every few hundred millennia, apparently, evolution leaps forward, and we enter a new stage of human development. This next stage appears to be the one where thirteen-year-olds suddenly manifest the ability to walk through walls or suck the life force out of their boyfriends, and I suppose that makes them the new rulers of the Earth, somehow.

This week on the podcast, Trevor Bolliger and I take on the original uncanny giant-size mutant masterpiece, X-Men, where we try to make sense of these impossibly dangerous creatures, and their lunatic schemes to turn all of the world’s leaders into sticky Jell-O monsters.

The podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, YouTube, Overcast, Audible and lots of other places. Come check it out!

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Episode 12: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

The year was 1986, and two of the comics industry’s powerhouse creators — Frank Miller and Alan Moore — were busily deconstructing the dominant discourse around superheroes, poking at their flaws and suggesting a less sanitized, and more actively political way of thinking about them.

Alan Moore’s Watchmen and Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns broke the rules of mainstream comic books, presenting complex takes on how modern society might actually respond if handsome gods fell from the sky, and vengeful vigilantes emerged from the shadows. They argued for a darker and more mature style of comics, with morally ambiguous heroes operating in a fallen world.

And then there’s Zack Snyder, who came along in the mid-2010s with the idea of taking scenes that he liked from The Dark Knight Returns and Watchmen, and stringing them together without thinking much about what they actually meant.

As we can see in 2016’s high-flying failure Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Snyder mostly likes the growling and the punching, in a doomed world where strength is everything. Snyder’s characters are obsessed with dominating every situation that they’re in, from Batman vowing to make Superman bleed, all the way down to Perry White telling Clark Kent to shut up and write about sports.

This week on the podcast, I’m joined by Stephen Robinson from the hilarious political website Wonkette and the podcast The Play Typer Guy to deconstruct this deconstruction, and figure out why audiences didn’t take to this cartoon character fight club between superheroes that we can hardly recognize.

The podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, YouTube, Overcast, Audible and lots of other places. Come check it out!

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Episode 11: Ghost Rider

Sometimes a movie comes along that’s so obviously pitched at a specific demographic, you wonder if the studio did a headcount during pre-production to make sure there were enough possible ticket buyers to make it profitable. If so, the producers may have overestimated the appeal of Ghost Rider, the only movie ever made entirely on location on the side of a guy’s van.

Ghost Rider has motorcycles, black leather jackets, chains and flames, skulls, daredevil jumps, heavy metal music and cowboys, and if they’d only included stock car racing and an American flag and made the lead character 100 pounds overweight, it would have been the perfect movie for that demographic.

This week on the podcast, I’m joined by my friend Sloane, the creator of the Hauntwares clothing line, to discuss this Nicolas Cage-infused epic of love, revenge and slow-talking demons. It is a crack-ass crazy film and I’m certain you will want to hear all about it.

The podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, YouTube, Overcast, Audible, Stitcher and lots of other places. Come check it out!

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The Flash: Another Another Universe

The wonderful thing about The Flash underperforming at the box office is that it seems like it’s making everybody happy.

People who hated the Zack Snyder era say that The Flash is bombing because it’s the last gasp of a failed cinematic universe. In the other corner, Snyder supporters say it’s because the new heads of DC Films made the movie irrelevant, by firing Henry Cavill and Gal Gadot, and shutting down that storyline.

So that’s why everybody’s so cheerful on Twitter today; we finally have something that everyone can agree on.

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Episode 10: Green Lantern

You think you’ve got work troubles? In the 2011 high-flying trash fire Green Lantern, Hal Jordan — who already has a perfectly good job as a test pilot who crashes planes — is suddenly kidnapped out of his life and forced to join a cult of alien bully space cops. On his first day, his new co-workers don’t explain his job description; they just throw rocks at him, and tell him that he’s worthless. Then the stupid science council refuses to help him save his planet from their greatest enemy, even though that’s specifically the thing that they hired him to do.

Luckily, this week on the podcast, I’m joined by Joe Hennes of ToughPigs.com to help me make sense of this utterly senseless film.

The podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, YouTube, Overcast, Audible, Stitcher and lots of other places. Come check it out!

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Episode 9: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

So here’s a thing you don’t do: make a movie that gets 28% on Rotten Tomatoes, and then make a sequel that assumes that we adore the characters. But 20th Century Fox is not always adept at reading the room.

So the 2007 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer begins with a full half-hour of preparations for the painfully traditional wedding of Reed Richards and Sue Storm, two characters who we have not and do not intend to grow to love. Once that’s out of the way, everbody gets upset about the Silver Surfer, a galactic herald who flies around digging inexplicable holes, and not actually telling anybody what it is that he’s supposed to be heralding.

It’s a difficult movie to get your head around, so luckily I’ve got Becca Petunia of the blog The Daily Fantastic and the Muppet quiz show podcast Hubba-Wha?! to help me make sense of it. We discuss Chris Evans’ destiny, what the film is trying to do with Doctor Doom, and whether the ancient Israelites went surfing, among many other fascinating conundrums.

The podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, YouTube, Overcast, Audible, Stitcher and lots of other places. Come check it out!

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Episode 8: Ant-Man & the Wasp: Quantumania

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but the Marvel Cinematic Universe is not what it once was. The mighty Marvel method — punch-em-up Pixar movies with hot people — is not crowd-pleasing the way it used to. Second-weekend dropoffs are increasing, action figures are piling up on the pegs, and internet naysayers smell blood in the water.

On this week’s podcast, Ryan Steans of the Signal Watch and I diagnose the problem: it’s Jeff Loveness’ fault! Armed with an interview with the Ant-Man & the Wasp: Quantumania scriptwriter, we dig into the movie’s many fatal flaws, including: why Kang the Conqueror doesn’t understand what conquering is, why Loveness doesn’t understand what socialism is, and why you didn’t actually like the probability storm scene.

The podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, YouTube, Overcast, Audible, Stitcher and lots of other places. Come check it out!

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Episode 7: Morbius

Initiate lockdown! This week, Dark Shadows audio producer Joe Lidster joins me on the podcast to talk about the 2021 vampire superhero blockbuster disaster Morbius, the movie that dares to tell the truth about modern vampire science.

Morbius is a tense and unsatisfying movie about a Nobel Prize-denying doctor with an unnamed incurable blood disease, who injects himself with vampire bat DNA and then spends the rest of the movie worrying about it.

This is Joe’s first taste of modern superhero movies, and it does not go down well at all. It is an utterly baffling, underwritten mess of a movie that asks the question: How many fatal flaws can one motion picture have?

The podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, YouTube, Overcast, Audible, Stitcher and lots of other places. Come check it out!

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Episode 6: Eternals

Long, long ago, a group of clueless, beautiful rich people came to our planet for an extended visit, to screw up our history and take credit for stuff that we invented. Or at least, that’s what they say in the 2022 MCU macrodisaster Eternals, which squandered Marvel’s social capital with too many characters and not enough sense.

On the podcast this week, guest Trevor Bolliger and I dig into the story of what the hell happened, starting with Jack Kirby’s cosmic failures and the white supremacist ideology behind the premise of the film. And it gets even more fun from there!

Join us as we talk about Kit Harington and his tragically small role, why Arishem and Ajak are terrible managers, and which Eternals we wish we could cut from the movie.

The podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, YouTube, Overcast, Audible, Stitcher and lots of other places. Come check it out!

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