Finally! They’ve made a movie with a positive message that we just don’t see often enough: believe in yourself and be true to your friends, and you can accomplish anything.
Superman III 4.32: The Game… and How to Play It
Luke Skywalker (Jedi Knight Outfit), Princess Leia Organa (Boushh Disguise), Admiral Ackbar, Squid Head, Chief Chirpa, Logray (Ewok Medicine Man), Klaatu, Weequay, General Madine, Ree-Yees, Gamorrean Guard, Emperor’s Royal Guard, Rebel Commando, Biker Scout, Lando Calrissian (Skiff Guard Disguise), Bib Fortuna for fuck’s sake, and Nien Nunb.
That’s the list of 17 action figures that Kenner made in 1983 to tie-in with Return of the Jedi. There are at least four figures in that collection that don’t even have proper names; they’re just like “Rebel Commando” and “Biker Scout”, and Kenner expected people to buy them anyway, which we did.
You know who’s not on that list? Wicket W. Warrick, the cutest of an entirely cute species, an Ewok so adorable that they gave him a middle initial. Kenner didn’t release a Wicket action figure until 1984. That’s how confident they were, that they could keep Wicket in the tank, and hold onto him until next year.
Meanwhile, you know how many action figures they made for Superman III? Find out the answer after the jump.
Continue reading Superman III 4.32: The Game… and How to Play It
Superman III 4.31: The Other Worst Scene
It was never going to be funny, of course. “Funny” is not the issue; we’ve moved beyond “funny” as a concept.
And yeah, it was always going to be offensive, and insulting to the audience, and generally off-putting. That is a matter of grim inevitability.
But at least it would have made some kind of motherfucking sense.
Superman III 4.30: As the World Turns
“Whoa, Dwight, slow down!” urges Morgan Edge, president of Galaxy Communications, to a high-school age visitor that he is inexplicably responsible for. “Kent may be smooth-as-vanilla on the air, but off-camera he’s no electric thrill!”
Dwight Decker is a member of his school’s journalism club, who’s traveled sixty miles to Metropolis for an interview with Clark Kent. He hasn’t tried to contact Clark before this; he just showed up at WGBS in the hope of grabbing a few minutes with his news idol.
“Mr. Kent — you and I need to rap!” Dwight cries, sighting his prey down the hall. But when he turns the corner, Mr. Kent has vanished, still unrapped. In the next issue, Dwight tries hanging around outside Clark’s apartment building, but is disappointed once again.
You may be wondering what role Dwight has to play in the ongoing saga of Superman’s comic book adventures. The answer is: none at all.
Superman III 4.29: Kotzwinkle
So, get a load of this.
“Excuse me… sorry…” Engrossed in thought, Clark had stumbled against a woman in the street. She looked at him in disgust. “Watch where you’re going, you four-eyed moron!”
That’s on the first page of William Kotzwinkle’s novelization of Superman III, and it doesn’t get a lot cheerier from there.
Superman III 4.28: The Stokis Uprising
The story so far: loveable loser, wind-up penguins, chaos in Calgary, Lois in Bermuda, casual attitude toward angels, uneaten potato salad, fake Art Deco, sackful of puppies, the bowling scene, half a soundtrack, and computers preventing people from relating to one another. Add six cups of comic relief, and stir.
It’s no wonder the Stokis family is barging in, demanding recompense. I feel exactly the same way.
Superman III 4.27: The Funny Part
Hapless hacker Gus Gorman has breached the firewall, and touched the face of God.
In a dimly-lit room, the machines are awakening, like a cavern of ancient dragons becoming aware of an intruder in their midst. He tames them, and brings them under his control. The ensorcelled computers mutter to each other, in their secret binary parseltongue. There are flashing lights, and whirring tape drives. A man has his finger on the ignition key of the world, and hacking is occurring.
Superman III 4.26: Walking the Dog
One of the problems with Superman III is that there is not enough attention paid to Gus Gorman’s yo-yo. There, I’ve said it.
Superman IV 7.1: A Stake in the Ground
Everbody knows that Superman IV: The Quest for Peace is the worst film of the 1980s, or the worst Superman film, or at least the worst Christopher Reeve Superman film, or whatever. It’s just the worst! This is common knowledge that everybody agrees with except for me.
Longtime readers of Superheroes Every Day will know that my coverage of Superman III is taking a long time, because dealing with the bowling scene takes a lot out of a person. And I have to say, the closer that I look at III, the better IV seems. Look, just hear me out.
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania 100.1: The Problem is Not the Problem
They call it “Marvel Fatigue”, which is apparently a thing that happens to people who like something so much that they watch a lot of it.
“Is the world starting to get Marvel fatigue?” Gamerant asked in December 2021, one week before the debut of Spider-Man: No Way Home, which made $805 million domestic.
“Marvel Fatigue Is More Obvious Than Ever After San Diego Comic Con,” Thegamer.com asserted in July 2022, halfway between Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness ($411 million) and Thor: Love and Thunder ($343 million).
“Marvel Fatigue Is Setting in with MCU Fans,” Screenrant declared in November 2022, a week after the premiere of Black Panther: Wakanda Forever ($453 million).
“Marvel’s Kevin Feige has a plan to combat superhero fatigue. Will it work?” AV Club gasped in February 2023, two days before Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania had a $118 million opening weekend.
I swear, my greatest dream in life is that someday people will be as tired of me as they are of Marvel movies. Just imagine how much money I would make.
Continue reading Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania 100.1: The Problem is Not the Problem
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