And then, after a goofy boat fight, a knee to the groin and a thrill kill, Swamp Thing does something unexpected: a good scene.
Adrienne Barbeau and I have many things in common — in fact, some people find it difficult to tell us apart — but the main similarity is that we both hate the way that her hair looks in Swamp Thing.
I tell you what, today is not a good day to be living in Tinytown.
First, somebody dropped a midget missile on Li’l San Andreas Fault, which made a mess of the Golden Gate Microbridge. Then the model train set fell apart, endangering dozens of itty-bitty passengers.
And worst of all, the model of Hoover Dam has burst, and now the floodwaters are threatening to overwhelm an innocent community of dollhouses, ending playtime as we know it.
So here’s a scene that we didn’t see in Superman: The Movie, straight from the shooting script:
The eagle bursts through a white cloud bank up once more into the clean blue air. After a short moment SUPERMAN does likewise, trailing the bird.
For a few moments we are privileged to witness this real beauty and poetry of flying as the eagle and SUPERMAN chase each other through the air doing banks, loops, and dives, swooping closely together like two beautiful fighter planes in tight formation.
The unspoken ceremony over, they silently acknowledge each other, then head off in different directions.
Obviously, that scene didn’t happen, because who has the time to choreograph eagles, but the interesting thing is that it made the cut all the way up to the shooting script. That says to me that they really didn’t know how hard it was going to be just getting Superman to fly in a credible way, without having to do a fucking raptor ballet on top of it.
Man, when Clark Kent says he’s going north, he does not mess around; dude goes north. He is currently just about as north as you can possibly get, clad in a jacket comfort-rated for Easter in Massachusetts, looking for the right place to toss a magic crystal and summon his own personal snow castle.
It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small, except for the ice palace, of course, which is fucking enormous. Here he stands, and here he stays.
Holding the hand of the extraterrestrial cuckoo that she’s about to bring home and housetrain, Martha Kent says, “All these years, I prayed for a child.” She should have looked into the best practices on that, I think they’ve been doing it wrong.